Silence is Beautiful

When i sit in a silent room..
certain things come to mind.
I find myself doing this kind of thing..well..a lot.
I find my mind wondering to distant places.
Soaring to new heights.
Defying gravity.
And its so new to me..
i like the silence.
And sometimes..
nothing needs to be said.
Nothing needs to come out of your mouth.
Sometimes..silence is golden.
And when i am sitting at home by myself..
i start to think about my life.
I start to analyze it and grasp different concepts i didnt get throughout the day.
Usually..my mind seems like its in a haze.
I tend to get off track..and not pay attention.
I get restless and shaky.
I get eager.
But when i close my eyes..and hear the quite, still, serene side of life..
my brains first reaction is to think of all the things that went on.
I think about regrets..wrong doings...things that i hate..things i loved..
when i should be loving life..and not just bits and pieces of it..but all of it.
Back to the things that i think about.
Today..
i thought about who i was.
Who i am as a person.
Then..i thought about my character.
Who you are when noone else is around.
Who am i?
Who am i..really.
To me..there are certain layers.
Like an onion..
or the earth.
We all have different layers or different sides to all of us.
We have the person that we are at school or around different people.
The person we are with our family.
The person we are with a guy.
and so on.
But when i am by myself..
i feel totally different.
I feel like i can do anything..
i feel like the girl who could volunteer to go first at a kareoke restraunt.
I feel...light.
Light..as in not having anything to worry about anything..burden free..care free..
and i like that feeling.
When i walk out the door..
its like their is a certain barrier..stopping me from saying and doing certain things that i would really enjoy doing.
And you know how most people say that they dont care how other people think?
In my opinion..everyone has that little voice inside of them telling them that they might do something embarrassing or make themselves look idiotic.
And i hate that.
I hate that feeling..because along with that feeling..it brings regret.
Regret is never something you have done..its something you hadnt done and wish you had..or its something you had done and wished you hadnt.
And in life..i dont ever want to feel like that.
I dont ever wanna keep myself hidden.
I dont ever wanna regret.
I dont want to look back at my life and feel that what i did was wrong.
I just want to be free to be myself..
and know that the old me..is gone with the wind..

Hailey :)