StUfFeD

Busy.
Busy Busy Busy.
I am so sorry guys..
I havent been on here in quite a while!
So much has been going on i kinda lost track of things.
To be honest..
i havent even thought of writing lately.
I know.
I am a horrible person.
But..
oh contrare my good fellows.
(and lady fellows according to darcey..we had a fight about what to call girl fellows..by the way..we still havent come up with an answer..the fight lasted approx 45 min..no lies.)
I am here..however..
i am at loss for words.
I have no idea what to write about.
All i have to say is..
its Summer..
its beautiful outside..
and i feel..dispicable.
Or horrible..i guess you could say.
And to be more exact..
i feel..empty..or sad..blue even.
Dont you hate when you see couples holding hands..when they are walking RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?
I do.
Or when you cant stop talking or thinking about one person..just one person..that noone else could take the place of right now..and you talk about that person..ALL THE TIME?
I do.
Oh..and when couples kiss waaay more than they need to..needless to say..
theyre one of.. "those couples".
HAAATE IT.
Especially when your alone the whole time..it just makes you feel..
out of place.
Especially when you wanna be the one holding hands with that one special person.
Or when you wanna be the one who cant stop talking about all the crazy silly and cute things that person does..that you cant seem to stop thinking about..all the time.
And when you wanna be kissing that special someone until..until..like 12:00 pm or later..and you wish you were one of "those couples".
Yeah..
thats how i feel i guess.
I guess im..uum..jealous?
Yeah..jealous of all those people that have found someone..someone special.
I know..
i shouldnt feel this way..
i should be happy ..right?
Right.
But i try..
i try and i fail..
because all i really want is that special someone to be right next to me..
is that really too much to ask?
I mean..is it asking too much if i want someone to put their arm around me?
Is it asking too much if i want someone to adore me and to love me?
Is it asking too much if i want someone to give me flowers on Valentine's Day?
Or to kiss me in the rain?
Or dance without music?
I guess it is.
Because right now..
i feel lonlier than ever..and i dont know why.
I mean..ive got friends..
i have family..
i have Christ..
i have my lovely dogs.
I have come to two possibilities..
1. I am selfish for feeling this way..
2.I like this guy waaaay more than i ever thought i would..
I havent a clue..
If you happen to know..please please tell me..
thanks.
I know there is something wrong here.
Yesterday i ate chips..CHIPS! I HATE CHIPS!
I ate like three bars of fudge..(HUGE BARS)
Chips and dip..fouur miniature hamburgers..pizza before that..cereal..fries..popcorn..icecream..cheese cake (again) and another piece of fundge..
ALL before i went to bed.
I feel..fat.
I think i need Jenny Craig..
seriously..
WOW.
Ive never been so full in my life..
my stomache is hurting..
bad.
My stomache is even making strange noises..ugh..
i think i might puke.


-Hailey - :\