I messed up..

Well.
I know.
You are waiting for me to tell the story.
Well as you all may know..tonight was the night.
The night of the AC.
The night of the ceremony..
and most of all..
the night of the dance.
I went out to have a good time..
to not let anything in my way tonight.
This was supposed to be a night just to let loose.
I tried to be happy..
and i succeded..on the outside.
I gave my friend darcey some advice..
since she was dealing with a breakup.
I told her to be happy.
I told her not to worry about him.
I told her to move on.
Its really hard to give out advice when you cant take your own.
And I admit it..
I cant.
I was wrong.
You cant hide how you feel.
Truthfully..
i feel rotten.
I put on a show.
Acting like i was happy when i wasnt.
Its amazing what you can hide just by putting on a smile.
I thought i could be strong.
I thought i was stronger than this.
But..i guess its easier said than done.
I liked someone as you all know.
But..it was insane..like..im not even sure it was only a crush.
Its like i could picture us.
me.
him.
together.
I have never been able to do that before.(besides zac efron)
But this guy..is real..i mean..in my life..
i can talk to him..touch him...feel him..
I dont even know how to explain it.
I cant explain how i felt when i saw him with someone else.
It...it..uumm..hurts.
Bad.
It even stings.
His arm wrapped around her.
I...i wish it were me his arms were around.
I...
was speechless.
I couldnt shake off the feeling...the whole night.
He didnt even go to the dance.
I felt...
lonely.
For the very first time..in my entire life.
I cant believe it.
I say that i hate him..
but...
I cant help but...not.
I guess..if that is who he wants then..i am happy for him.
Dont get me wrong..
its soo hard to do.
But..i want him to be happy.
And thats all that matters.
I havent ever cried over a guy before..
but...i feel like it...right this second.
New topic.
Regrets.
We all have them.
Well ...mine happened tonight.
My friends talked to this incredibly handsome..fantastic guy that i have THEE BIGGEST CRUSH ON.
This crush is huge.
When they said that they asked him to dance with me..
i hid in the girls bathroom.
I did.
I am the biggest wimp there ever was.
I cant even look at him.(except when he isnt looking)
Its crazy.
And they wanted me to dance with him..
heh..
I wouldnt know what to do if he danced with me.
I couldnt even imagine the stupid things i would do.
I mean..
I am totally insane when it comes to this guy.
He has good looks.
Brains.
Hes kind.
Sensitive.
Hes everything.
And hes not stuck up like every other gorgeous guy is.
Hes amazing.
And congrats to the lucky girl that gets to marry him...ugh hes so amazing.
I admire Gods work..to make a man look that hansome.
My friends wanted him to talk to me.
What would he say?
I mean..nice gesture and all but..
having a hansome guy come up to you and talk about nothing is..well..nerveracking.
Having a hansome guy come up to you out of the blue and have an actual conversation is..well..perfect.
Having your friends talk him into talking to you..just wont do it justice.
SO..
my point exactly?
I regret not talking to him.
Maybe i will see him again someday.
I hope one day..our paths will cross and i will be able to be good friends with him.
I like goodlooking friends.:-)
I know some of you guys might not be religious..but i am.
So..heres my prayer.
Lord, i ask that you help me and guide me in your direction.
Help me to be a shining light in this world of darkness..and through me..help people to see who you are..
I am in a bit of a situation..I need your help..I need your strength.
Help me throught the rough patch in my life that i have never experienced.
I trust that someday you will place the right guy into my life.
I thank you for that and i thank you for always being there for me.
Amen.

Hailey:)